Nov 072016

One of the places at which I’m a regular, a café, has this problem. It’s not a problem that’s unique to the café; in fact, I’ve encountered the same problem at many cafés. It’s just that I spend a lot of time at this one spot, and it seems to be a perennial issue.

The issue is that, as I sometimes want to scream at the staff (but I don’t, because this), is that if I wanted to sit around freezing to death, I’d buy my drink or food and go sit outside.

This is Vancouver—it is not known for being very warm. It is known for not being frozen like much of Canada, yes. But it’s not known for being, say, balmy in the fall. Or the winter. Or the spring. Or, truth be told, oftentimes not very much much of the summer (at least some years). That’s to say, no reasonable people would keep the doors or windows to an establishment open past mid-September unless it was a really unseasonably hot autumn. Newsflash: Fall 2016 has not been particularly warm. It hasn’t been particularly cold, either, but the temperature is usually anywhere from 13˚C and down. Often in the single digits.

When you go somewhere and sit, you tend to feel colder as time goes by out of lack of physical activity. So when I go to a café and sit to have my drink, you would think that the normal cooling down a person does when at rest would be enough.

But oh no. Oh no. No, this café not only has their back door WIDE open pretty much every day, but they often have their patio-door style windows in the front open, or the front door propped wide open. That’s the best, when both are wide open, because you get this AMAZING wind tunnel effect that leaves you chilled to the bone.

Quite apart from any concerns over efficiency, waste of energy in the form of heat or money… I just DON’T GET IT! I get that they, as staff, might feel warmer than I do. But they, as staff, are 2 or maybe 3 people and are usually vastly outnumbered by customers. Plus they know their customers are stationary. Plus don’t they want to offer a welcoming and warm (pun intended) environment? You know, without having to make their customers rug up to sit around inside?

I cannot tell you the number of times I have gotten up and closed their rear door. And half the time, it is wide open again within 20 minutes. I’ll give them this: they are committed. But it drives me batty. Inside is supposed to be warm. Outside is cold. Any 4-year-old Canadian knows that. If it wouldn’t endanger the lives of their patrons, I would seriously try to jam their back door closed. Permanently. Like maybe get a blowtorch and weld it shut, even.

Anyway… if one day you see a headline to the effect of Local Vancouver man has café meltdown, rants about “Winter isn’t #@%$ing coming; it’s goddamned here, in this #@%$ing store, every #@%$ing day what is wrong with you animals???” well, you’ll know who it is, won’t you?

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